i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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