we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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