Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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