she woke up with a sticky ear
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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