grandma shit on top of the toilet
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
