If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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