no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
