I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
