The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
