is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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