i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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