I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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