And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
