I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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