I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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