you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
