hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
