My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Your penis caused this!
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