I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
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