and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
