go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
