Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
