she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
