I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
