His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
