operation have a gay friend backfired
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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