K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
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