just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
