Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
