He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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