she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
