So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
