how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
did you just send me my own nude
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
