We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
