operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
