Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
