Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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