Ambien. No doubt about it.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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