we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
