I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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