I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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