I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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