How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
