The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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