hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
