cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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