I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
