it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
