Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
