1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
