We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
