We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
