where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
