I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Michael Bay diarrhea
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
