I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
