please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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