That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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