I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
