quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
