We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
cat food counts as protein by the way
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
