I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
