Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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