I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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