They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
