You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
