Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
