so that wasnt chicken after all
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
