he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
