I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
