He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
