Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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