Kiss
Puke
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize