i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
