Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
they're like a gay fantastic four
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
