y did u give ur computer a hand job?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
