sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
