SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
