started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
