Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Well I just put wine in my tea
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
