"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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