Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
