i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Randomize
