Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
