Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
