Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
