I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
