Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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