dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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