I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Randomize