More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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