You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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