He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize