Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Farmville is her only friend.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just want to make out with him forever
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
