Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
