Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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